Uncanny X-Men Vol. 3: Holy War
Writer: Chuck Austen
Artist: Ron Garney
Both offensive and inaccurate towards religion and the X-Men's mythos...Chuck Austen's writing is simply heinous!!!
Ranking: 1 star
At some points I have to question why editors allow some stories to even exist, and UNCANNY X-MEN VOL. 3: HOLY WAR is one of them. In my past reviews I've made no secret that the X-Men are my favorite superhero team. While the X-Men comics consisted of interesting characters and story arcs, they also paralleled mutants to oppressed minorities, allowing writers to provide messages against racism that elevated the comics beyond the simple escapist fiction that many view them as. But the success of individual X-Men stories have varied among writers. The X-Men series has had its fair share of good writers (Chris Claremont, Joss Whedon, Grant Morrison, and Jason Aaron) and bad writers (usually considered by fans to be Scott Lobdell, Matt Fraction, and Peter Miligan). But if there was one writer who has been periodically labeled as the worst X-Men writer of all time, then that title would go to Chuck Austen. Probably one of the most controversial writers in comic history, Austen began his career with black and white pornographic comics (gee, that's a good sign...), and transitioned into mainstream comics with works such as U.S. WAR MACHINE, ELEKTRA, as well as illustrating Disney's THE LITTLE MERMAID comic. Many of his works such as his run on ACTION COMICS and THE AVENGERS were massive targets of criticism, but no comic of his has generated more controversy than his run on UNCANNY X-MEN. Written during the same time Grant Morrison was writing NEW X-MEN (and while there are general grievances people can have with his run (I personally liked it), any X-Men fan would agree it's a million times better than Austen's run), the opening arc of his run HOPE was praised, the series quickly spiraled downhill, with inconsistent characterization, convoluted and ludicrous plot elements, as well as portraying every female character as sex-crazed maniacs (was anyone honestly surprised considering his previous profession?). Being a die-hard X-Men fan, I was curious if Austen's run was as bad as people claimed it to be. I had previously read two of his issues in ULTIMATE X-MEN (focusing on Gambit) which I found to be decent (I didn't know who he was at the time), but then I read the first issue of the DRACO arc, which was horrendous (I still haven't decided if I'm going to review that travesty or not), and his story arc HOLY WAR is quite easily one of the worst comics I've ever read (it's right up there with SPIDER-MAN: ONE MORE DAY and SPIDER-MAN: REIGN). The book opens with images that portray deaths caused by religious conflicts throughout history. While these images are beautifully drawn (the real tragedy of this comic is that it's illustrated by a talented artist like Ron Garney; whose work on Jason Aaron's WOLVERINE: GET MYSTIQUE story arc was awesome; want a good X-Men comic recommendation, check out Aaron's runs on Wolverine and his WOLVERINE AND THE X-MEN series) and could've provided symbolic meaning, they're instantly ruined with lines such as "More people have died in the name of religion than have ever died of cancer. And we try to cure cancer," or "What makes us take up arms against those who pray to the same God with different words." Cutting to the present, the X-Men discover that several of their teammates have literally been crucified on their front lawn. As the dead or dying X-Men are taken down and too the school infirmary, the team ponders on who could've been responsible for the attack, and Nightcrawler suggests that it was possibly the Church of Humanity. Having encountered them in a previous story in Austen's run, the Church of Humanity is a group of religious zealots who believe that mutants are children of Satan, and that the only way to purify the world, is to conquer it. After the X-Men investigate one of the church's lairs, they discover that Nightcrawler's achieved status as a priest in an earlier story (by Chris Claremont, the king of good X-Men writers) was actually a hoax, caused by a psychic implant put into Kurt's mind by the church. They eventually learn that Kurt's supposed priesthood was actually part of a larger plan conceived by the church that would make Nightcrawler Pope and later unveil him as the antichrist due to his demonic appearance. Such an event would cause people to hunt down mutants as harborers of the rapture, and people would turn to the Church of Humanity as a source of faith. From reading the summary alone you can probably tell that the biggest problem with HOLY WAR is the numerous amounts of religious inaccuracies towards christianity (particularly catholicism based on what I've read from others who've reviewed this trash). I'm not going to go into a rant about how these scenes are heavily offensive (I'd rather not create any accidental misunderstandings among readers, and it's obvious from the get-go that they're offensive), but I will say that if a writer is going to create a story around a subject as sensitive as religion, than they need to do careful research in order to avoid offending people who are devoted to those beliefs. Austen fails to do any research whatsoever with this story. Throughout the book he inserts random Bible quotes throughout the book, going under the assumption that they automatically make the story deep. I'm sorry, but inserting random Bible quotes without providing having them fit with the context of the story doesn't create symbolism. It's simply lazy writing if they don't make the story stronger as they're just there. The plan employed by the church of humanity is filled with so many inaccuracies that it doesn't even make sense. How can they make Nightcrawler the Pope when he had believed himself to be a priest for a Brooklyn cathedral (becoming Pope would require meeting more qualifications than that)? Another hole in their plan is that supposedly Nightcrawler's reveal as a mutant will initiate a false rapture. The rapture is not a central component of Catholic beliefs (the information provided by other reviewers and a quick google search let me know that; READ A BOOK AUSTEN!!!). Also, why would people turn to the Church of Humanity because of this revelation? I'm pretty sure that people would more likely go to other branches of Christianity or possibly other faiths than convert to the faith of corrupt anti mutant terrorists. Putting aside all of the scenes and plot elements that are religiously offensive and inaccurate, HOLY WAR would still fail as an X-Men story in general. I don't know why Marvel kept Austen on the book for so long, but the man can not write the X-Men to save his life. He lacks any basic understanding of the characters and their mythos, as well as why so many fans enjoy them. All of the X-Men in this comic are written completely out of character, coming across as either unlikable jerks, complete idiots, sex-crazed maniacs, or just total jokes. Cyclops is an utter jerk in this story, as he gives no sympathy towards his teammates, is always angry, and is more concerned with lecturing Nightcrawler about leadership than being there for his dying comrades. I know Cyclops is a natural-born leader, devoted to following rules and setting an example, but he would never be an a**hole to his teammates when some of the X-Men are on the verge of death. His brother Havock is worse off, as he's constantly confused as to how Nightcrawler could become a priest due to a demonic appearance. Did Austen forget that Nightcrawler only looks like a demon, but is really a mutant with strong religious faith (that was the core concept of his character? A new character introduced to the team was Annie, a human nurse who works in the team's medical labs. While the idea of a human living among the X-Men is good, the character herself is just terrible as all she's concerned about is having sex with the male X-Men. The Church of Humanity is a stupid villain group as not only does their plan have so many holes and inaccuracies, but there's nothing subtle about them. While the idea of having a villain who believes that mutants are against God's plan can provide good commentary about the dangers of religious extremist (Reverend William Stryker from the famous GOD LOVES, MAN KILLS storyline that I plan to read in the future), the villains here are over-the-top ridiculous. Their leader not only literally crushes the skulls of two men with her bare hands, but their methods of attacking the X-Men are unsubtle and religiously offensive (literally crucifying their members; doesn't the mansion have better security than this?). But for me, the worst sin of all was the poor handling of Nightcrawler in this story. While Austen would later do further damage to his character in THE DRACO (completely destroying the core concepts about his character). Rather than being the mutant whose demonic appearance masked the pure hearted soul within, the Nightcrawler in this book is a complete buffoon. Despite being a squad-leader, Kurt lacks any leadership qualities as he ignores many of his responsibilities, has to be continuously chewed out by Cyclops, and does not take anything seriously that should be taken seriously. I'm sure that there are other numerous inconsistent characterizations in this comic, but I don't want to bother going back to try and find them. Even before HOLY WAR, Chuck Austen's run was under heavy fire from both fans and critics alike for it's terrible writing and lack of understanding about the core themes of the X-Men. This book clearly cements that Austen was unfit to be writing the UNCANNY X-MEN title (it's hard to believe that this was being written around the same time Grant Morrison was innovating the franchise with NEW X-MEN), and yet despite that, Marvel let him continue working on the title for at least 20 more issues (and they let him take over NEW X-MEN after Morrison left the book). I have to ask myself why Marvel would even consider this a good idea. If the editors knew that the fans held intense hatred Austen's run on X-Men, then why did they let him continue turning the series into crap? Could they not afford to hire another writer? Was this their way of trolling their audience?! Was this another cheap editorial cash-grab like ONE MORE DAY?! Why Marvel?! You're not doing a good job in staying faithful to your fans! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!! It takes a lot for me to be offended by a comic, and I hate being angry, but that's how much this book offends me! Not only is it poorly written and researched, but the religious inaccuracies are heavily insulting, the story is implausible, the characters are horrendously handled, and it completely goes against the concepts that make the X-Men my favorite superhero team! After reading this garbage, I can definitely agree with the majority opinion that Chuck Austen is indeed, the worst writer in X-Men history. "Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding." -Mahatma Gandhi
